Talk-show host Zakeya Foster, diagnosed with clinical depression, shares her journey
BY JENISE GRIFFIN MORGAN
FLORIDA COURIER – This story originally appeared in the Florida Courier on July 11, 2014.
Zakeya Foster’s life mirrors the 21st-century, quintessentially strong Black woman.
She’s in charge, enthusiastic, goal-driven and resigned to believe she is equipped to handle anything. Throughout most of her life she has done just that.
But the 41-year-old Miami resident faced a harsh reality – she has been diagnosed with an illness that cannot be seen yet it requires medical attention to combat symptoms more serious than adjusting to a mere life transition.
Professionally, Foster has successfully catapulted from a career in public school administration to her current role as host of “Classy Connections and Communication,” an online TV show that highlights doings of movers and shakers in South Florida. She gets so many invitations to Miami happenings that she can’t keep track. She’s one of the Miami Heat’s biggest fans and has the stats to prove it.
Her “Miami Heat Junkie” Facebook page has about 4,000 followers.
But both television and social media fans were shocked last year when she announced the following:
She has been diagnosed with clinical depression.
She has a therapist.
She has been taking prescribed medication.
Unexpected response
Zayeka Foster is brave.
While most viewed her as “having it going on,” the once vibrant pillar of strength recognized that instead of feeling like a top-40 chart buster, her behaviors and life began to resemble more of a B-side hit. She still garnered acceptable appeal, but each day became an insurmountable challenge.
“I am a go-getter,” Foster told the Courier. “If you tell me it’s impossible, I’ll tell you it’s not impossible. If you tell me it’s hard, I will say let’s find a way to do it. I was trying to be the model of that strong Black woman.”
Following her public revelation on her talk show late last year, a barrage of emails and Facebook messages and posts ensued from people who were elated she was simply bold enough to share her journey with depression. Many of her followers likely suffer in silence.
Foster emerged a Black woman’s hope.
Clinical depression is a serious medical illness. Mental Health America states that many factors can contribute to clinical depression, including cognitive issues (for example, negative thinking patterns); biological and genetic factors; gender (it affects more women than men); other medications; other illnesses; and situational factors.
The good news is that over 80 percent of people with depression can be treated successfully.
According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, many African-American women do not seek treatment because it is viewed as a personal weakness, not a health problem. Only 12 percent of Black women seek help and/or treatment.
‘I can handle this’
“The thing with clinical depression is you begin to not be able to deal with things. Nothing was right. I was not normal,” Foster related. “In 2007, I was depressed but I could still function.’’
In 2007, Foster was working as an assistant to a school principal. Her employer called her in to ask what was wrong and she started crying.
“I was dragging. Not talking to anyone, coming in late. I wasn’t the person she hired. She hired a motivator. She hired a vibrant young lady. When I was there, I was not effective. I told her about my marriage and things just falling apart around me,” said Foster.
“I was also in college studying elementary education. My grades were good and then they went down. It was already hard going to school, being a wife, mother, working and being a youth pastor. She asked me if I needed employee assistance. I went only to save my job. I thought, ‘I can handle this and with my faith I will be alright.’ ”
But she wasn’t. Foster said she learned that her husband, whom she wed in 1992, was having an affair.
“I still go to the same church. My church people took his side. When people break up, they take sides. When I tried to talk to the minister, he said I needed to fast and pray. It was a very lonely place I was in,’’ Foster explained. She thought at the time, “I don’t have the church because no one really understands where I am.”
Pain and stress
When Foster finally called the employee assistance program to receive counseling, she hung up on the person who answered the phone. Again, thinking she could handle it. Then she began experiencing pain all over her body. Foster went to a doctor and was diagnosed with high blood pressure and the doctor gave her sleeping pills to help with sleep.
According to Dr. Daniel Hall-Flavin with the Mayo Clinic, pain and depression are closely related. In many people, depression causes unexplained physical symptoms such as back pain or headaches. This kind of pain may be the first or the only sign of depression.
“Pain and the problems it causes can wear you down over time, and may begin to affect your mood. Chronic pain causes a number of problems that can lead to depression, such as trouble sleeping and stress,” he writes. “Disabling pain can cause low self-esteem due to work, legal or financial issues. Depression doesn’t just occur with pain resulting from an injury. It’s also common in people who have pain linked to a health condition such as diabetes or migraines.’’
Foster kept going to her medical doctor. She could barely sit in her chair the pain was so bad and sometimes would go into the bathroom and lie down on the floor because her back hurt so badly. When she was diagnosed with gallstones and had gall bladder surgery, Foster figured that she finally had discovered the source of her discomfort. Two weeks later, the pain returned.
“It was my pride. I didn’t want anyone to know I needed to see employee assistance. Before you know it, the pain is back. I’m not sleeping and I’m feeling more depressed. I have a new principal and a very stressful job. New programs, new training, do payroll, purchasing and audits.’’
Foster eventually saw a psychiatrist who prescribed Wellbutrin for the depression and Temazepan for the insomnia. She began to feel better and moved on from her marriage and began dating.
‘I felt I would die’
By 2012, she became worse. “I walked around life feeling like someone was scratching with their fingernails on the chalkboard. Someone asks you a question and you can’t answer it because all you hear in your head is this noise.’’
Foster was talking on the phone while driving to work one day and became agitated with the friend who wanted her to help get a tutoring program into her school. She felt the friction of mixing friendship with business.
“I was talking to him as I was driving to work,” Foster said. “Once I pulled into the parking lot at school, it was like the whole world stopped. The Superwoman, Super Mama and Super churchwoman came tumbling down. Trying to be the best person I can but I was done. I couldn’t move to get out of the car. All I could do is sit in my car and scream. I couldn’t see my phone to dial my mom who also worked at the school. I felt if I got out of car and walked into the school I would die. It was the worst feeling I ever had in my life. For a good solid 10 minutes I was zoned out and didn’t know who I was.”
Feeling the pain
Foster’s mom rushed out to help her daughter but didn’t really know what to do.
“When I saw her break down in that car, I didn’t know what to do. She made it to the school, she made it to the job, but she wouldn’t get out. She was screaming to the top of her voice. She was bawling. I was just outdone. I couldn’t help. … I saw her but I didn’t see her,” said her mother, Glenda Foster.
Foster, her mom’s only child, said she had to be strong just like her mom always had been. Foster herself is the daughter of a 22-year-old, Nia Harris.
“You keep putting weights on top of weights and you break,” referring to stress and environmental issues she felt, said Foster. “My energy level was not really physical energy.
My demeanor changed, my heart and my mind were sore. Nothing was lining up. I got to the point where I couldn’t sit and have a conversation. All I wanted to do is cry or explode.
Everything was frustrating and upsetting.
“If something happened and it was supposed to be at a level five, I felt like it was a zillion.
People kept telling you you are strong. You are thinking you are better off dead because you know that is the only thing that will take that noise in your head away. It’s not that people want to kill themselves. It’s the frustration of the noise; it’s so loud in your brain.”
Staying on track
After her outburst in her car, Foster saw a therapist, Dr. Emma Maldonado, regularly. She went every week. Then it dropped to once a month. Then to every other month. The excuse was because she couldn’t leave work. Now she sees her old patterns of the superwoman returning. She realizes she shouldn’t have ever stopped, even when she felt fine.
“God’s timing is what it is. Some months ago I wouldn’t have been able to say this. I would have told you I have conquered this. My therapist told me, ‘You are waiting for this to be over.
Seeing a therapist helps her stay on track.
“My therapist holds me accountable for my goals while helping me learn to cope with the challenges. What I especially like about her is she’s also a life coach. I still have fears of breaking down again, but I’m learning to take care of Zakeya. I focus on my goals.
“I can help others now. Had I dealt with it in 2007, it would not have gotten to this. By the time I went again in 2012, it was bad,” she added. “If I had gone regularly (to the therapist) she would have been able to help me avoid some of what went on. I believe a strong woman doesn’t mean you have to deal with everything without getting help.’’
Bright future
Foster’s goals are numerous.
The graduate of Miami Norland High School attended the University of Phoenix but left because of her depression. She is currently enrolled at Union Institute University seeking a degree in leadership.Along with continuing to build her Classy Connections brand, she’s writing a book about her journey and working on opening a dance studio. She also is a community advocate for Links of Love, a community program for youth.
LaShawn Walls, Foster’s publicist, is excited about her friend sharing her journey in hopes that it will help other “strong Black women.’’
“Zakeya gives her heart in everything that she does. Her spirit uplifts and encourages others to know that if she can face adversities and still come out smiling, so can they. This is only the beginning of her self-empowered journey; the rest has yet to be written,’’ Walls told the Courier.
Added Foster, “When we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.’’
Florida Courier writer Starla Vaughns Cherin contributed to this report.
Jenise Griffin Morgan, senior editor of the Florida Courier, is a 2013-14 fellow of the Rosalynn Carter Fellowships for Mental Health Journalism. She can be reached at Jmorgan@flcourier.com.